On My Way Home.

Bus driver is drunk.

Bus conductor is veeery rude.

Passengers are angry and afraid at the way the bus is swerving.

Me afraid?! No, forever amused.

I was actually seated beside the driver. When i boarded the bus there was no smell of alcohol on the driver...maybe because he didnt open his mouth. As the journey progressed, the driver looked at me and said:

"u don correct ya change?" ( have you collected your change?)
Me (paused and stared rudely at the driver's brown, scattered and nicotine stained teeth): "not yet"

Meeen.....the guy can smell!

As the journey continued we got caught up in a normal traffic jam. The driver started changing lanes crazily. Passengers began to caution him. I kept smiling. It was as if he was after something or something was after him...might be the devil. It got to a point he almost drove a bikeman into a huge canal. At that point passengers were already cursing him. The guy behind me began to tell the driver he will get him(driver) arrested.

While passengers were insulting the bus driver... i saw from the side mirror the bike man whipping the conductor who had earlier refused to give me my change. I started laughing...before i could say hey!...the bike man was beside the driver and was about to whip him....

haaaaa.........heeeee....beat him!....kill him!...arrest him!....driver dont be offended!....this man is mad!......why beg driver?!......

The bikeman told the driver that he is stupid and chased the bus conductor who was seen hanging by the door of a molue....it was just too funny. Meanwhile bus driver refused to start the bus.

There was this gentle looking guy dressed in a black suit - (still wondering why he was still wearing a suit at that time of the day) - in the bus who hardly said a word until the driver said he was not going anywhere. Passengers started yelling...screaming...a baby began to wail...

Black suit began to speak grammar: you are insane...your medula oblongata has been tampered with!....

Driver replied with: oroshi...wu u be...what is wrong with my driving?

I really wished i had a camera (although, i'll get beaten if i started taken shots)

Blacksuit promised to beat up the driver. Driver said black suit is a bastard!

I turned to black suit and said: we all know you are not a bastard but for the sake of posterity will you stop replying this man?

Blacksuit began to sweat...heavily....it began to trickle down his face....i kept wondering what it felt to be called a bastard in public by a mere bus driver who is a complete illiterate and too drunk for his own good.

A passenger told the driver sorry, start the damn bus and get going...
I said: Lets call a madman the groom so he will allow us move on. All the passengers supported that. Driver gave me a dirty look and i smiled brightly at him.

Vehicles behind the bus were honking angrily...the bus had added to the hold up.

My normal self was greatly amused and thinking of how to relate this on blogsville.

Halleluyah! the journey continued.

Blacksuit was by now promising to give the driver the best beating he's ever gotten.

I was nearing my stop. I wish i could get to the last bus stop so as to know what will happen when all of a sudden the driver brought out a torch and looked at his dashboard. I laughed...aloud. Even blacksuit couldnt help but to join in the laughter. It was just too funny.

Then the driver said: "mi o fe jade leni tele o" "awon were lo wa ninu moto yi" (didnt want to work today. too many madmen in this bus).

Alas! i had to alight.

I didnt regret boarding the bus. I had pure fun.
It all happened on my way home last night.

Wait! conductor! My change!