Christmas Wishes

I actually dont know what to type, so expect anything from this post

Christmas is next week

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On simplynuttie's blog

Yay!!!
Its Christmas again....hmn, as if you guys dont know that already.

This season is dedicated to:

The memories of my mum, i'll still wear an afro for her.

My dad who gave me money to buy christmas dress...daddy's girl abi? I love you, baami.

My elder and younger brothers who makes sure the generating set is on whenever PHCN withholds electricity.

My female siblings: hmmn....they are loving terrors. Compliments of the season.

Cute nephews and nieces scattered across the country....will have playmates for you, if you guys promise not to scatter my room.

All bloggers who has deemed it fit to comment on my blog and those that only come here to read what is in my head and does not comment. Thanks for your candid opinions, your jokes and everything. I wish you all a new better blogging 2008.

Best wishes to my employers who gave me access to the internet, although they wont get to read this...i appreciate them and may God continue to bless the company. ( i wonder how they tolerate me, cos i LOL whenever am on the net due to some.......story for another day).

Friends: the good ones, the bad ones, the evil ones, the really ugly ones, the pretty ones, the caring and friendly ones, the givers, the takers, the jealous ones, the encouraging ones. This season may all your heart desires come to pass according to your wishes for me. (...its just my thought...ok?)

Crazy colleagues: i know you guys wont fail to have a blast this season.

To other internet friends.....* blows a kiss*

Who else? my cousins, neighbours, repairman, mechanic, hair stylist, seamstress, favourite buyers, customers and to all those i meet on my way to work, to church, market, salon e.t.c.

And to those who will not get to read this post....all the best.

Merry Christmas to you all.
Merry Christmas to MOI!!!
*beaming*

Paypackages and Qualifications

This post is just my thoughts and observation with no particular company in mind. Any resemblance to actual persons: employed or unemployed, companies: thriving or liquidated, is purely coincidental.

It irks me to see employees that are underpaid because they are not graduates but work effortlessly and put in more hardwork than some of their colleagues that are graduates, fickle brained and earn more.

Is it a standard everywhere that graduates gets paid more than undergraduates or its just a partial attitude from employers? Or they just decide to look the other way cos of a simple piece of paper that states that so and so person graduated from so and so school with so and so degree? Wait a minute! Is there a law somewhere that states that undergraduates should be given much work and treated with disdain in order for them to go back to school and complete their education so they can equally sit and earn big pay? I wonder what will happen to companies when everybody is a graduate and there's just no one to be underpaid who will do the job.

Its so demeaning to see someone work his butt off just to get the job done and there is this person that just sits somewhere without doing nothing and at the end of the month their paypackages are worlds apart. I just cant, for the life of me do that to my employees (when i do have them) Never ever!


One funny thing is, some employers complain about a particular staff who is a graduate that isnt fit to earn half of what is being paid, yet they continue to pay. Even when it is obvious that some staff work harder, come rain, come sunshine but they just fail to pay in order of productivity. My friends and i compare notes about our workplaces and the treatment that is being metted out to staff and we've just discovered that its the same everywhere (I dont know about your own workplace, though). There are really good graduates out there that are efficient and up to the task. But sincerely, why would some employers pay a dumbass graduate more than an agile, intelligent and hardworking undergraduate? (Maybe the employers are dumbasses too!)

When you look at terms of employment, it probably states " management trainee" "on probation" "salary will be reviewed based on productivity" "incentives" e.t.c. but when it comes to it...your salary becomes insignificant, you work just to earn more and the ones who arent working get promoted.

Will there ever be a time when you get paid according to your intelligence and not according to a paper from a school? Maybe a policy can be issued regarding this. Maybe its just the system i am in and its different out there. And most times the hardworker and the ficklebrained knows their pay packages should be swapped. They cant just do anything about it.

Maybe i am just out to see people earn according to their hardwork. Maybe i am just wrong. Wont it be simply wonderful if an undergraduate who is up to the task earn more than a graduate that is not? It will make the fickle brains sit up and act properly - incentives to the undergrads...abi?

I am outta here!

Memories

Ok, this is it.

I am thinking about the hairstyle i want to wear for christmas and new year.

Wierd, abi?

I keep seeing myself this christmas with an old school look. You know, the big afro hairstyle that reminds me of my mum - i have this passport (the only picture i have of her) where she had on an afro... i keep seeing myself wearing that style everytime i think of the forthcoming celebrations.

Of late, i have been thinking about her and its not even her memorial or anything....i just remember her and associate her to instances. To think i was so young when she died, i am baffled at the rate my thoughts dwell on her. I compare my friend's mothers to her everytime, i dont know if i am making sense, its just the way i feel.

Truth is, i am feeling miserable.
I feel so out of place, nowadays.
I keep thinking if she wasnt gone, i'll be a better person.
I guess i am just wishing she isnt out of my life.

I have so many things i want to ask her.
So many things i want to tell her.
So many things i want to take from her.
So many things i want to give her.

But she's no more.
Gone.
Out of this world.
She's where i can never connect to her.

I wish we could go to the market and shop together.
I wish i could tell her about blogsville and my naughty thoughts.
I wish i could post her picture here.
I just wish she's here.


Since i cant think of anything else, i am going to spend this season looking like her. I will sing her favourite songs, say quotes from her and make anecdotes. She's been gone for 13 years and 6 months and its still like yesterday...i can still remember the last time i saw her...what we talked about, word for word.

I hope during this yuletide, i can finally put her to rest in my mind.
I pray that i finally accept that she's gone and can only wish for me to live a fulfilling life.
I wish to be able to come back next year without pain in my heart.

I hurt, so terribly.

He Cries.

Bushy eyebrows that archs gracefully.
Eyes so dark and piercing to make you stare in curiosity.
A beautifully shaped mouth that curls seductively when in laughter.
Lips that looks sexy enough to chew, lick and kiss.


Strong arms.
Firm butt.
Long legs.
Appealing smell.
A well defined body.


A heart that gives warmth.
A mind that is calculating and accomodating.
A soul that is deep, sensual and vicious, maybe when provoked.
A being that is imperfect.


A character that is defining.
Great sense of humor.
An attitude that is wacky.
Dress sense: always attractive.

A ruthless and shrewd business mogul.
An avid reader of books.
Religious
A philosopher.


A man.
Born of woman.


Yet, he cries.
Deep sounds coming from within.
At times, he howls.
At times, he just whimpers.


Its scary.
I feel like running away.
I want to embrace and console him.
Kiss the tears away.


What am i supposed to do?
Do i cry with him?
Smile inwardly?
How do i pet him?

Really, how do you handle a man that cries?

Crazy Love.

Falling in love with him....

Will i feel like i want to be one with him?
Will there be tears whenever he expresses his love for me?
Will i want to be close to him?

Above all, will i always and i really mean always want to crawl, run and stick, if possible to his body needing to be inside of him so there will be no reason to be apart from one another?

I know that...

I will make him a man to be proud of,
I will give him my all,
I will surround him with lots of love, care, happiness and ofcourse an abundance of naughtiness

Ultimate question...
Will he feel the same?
Will he tremble at the sight of me?
Will he feel like tearing any wall apart just to be with me?
Will he want to lock lips with me forever?
Is there any basic goodness at the core of his being that will radiate love, for me?

There is a love only you can give.
A smile that your lips alone can show.
A twinkle that can only be seen in your eyes.
And a life of mine that you alone can complete.

Where are you?

On My Way Home.

Bus driver is drunk.

Bus conductor is veeery rude.

Passengers are angry and afraid at the way the bus is swerving.

Me afraid?! No, forever amused.

I was actually seated beside the driver. When i boarded the bus there was no smell of alcohol on the driver...maybe because he didnt open his mouth. As the journey progressed, the driver looked at me and said:

"u don correct ya change?" ( have you collected your change?)
Me (paused and stared rudely at the driver's brown, scattered and nicotine stained teeth): "not yet"

Meeen.....the guy can smell!

As the journey continued we got caught up in a normal traffic jam. The driver started changing lanes crazily. Passengers began to caution him. I kept smiling. It was as if he was after something or something was after him...might be the devil. It got to a point he almost drove a bikeman into a huge canal. At that point passengers were already cursing him. The guy behind me began to tell the driver he will get him(driver) arrested.

While passengers were insulting the bus driver... i saw from the side mirror the bike man whipping the conductor who had earlier refused to give me my change. I started laughing...before i could say hey!...the bike man was beside the driver and was about to whip him....

haaaaa.........heeeee....beat him!....kill him!...arrest him!....driver dont be offended!....this man is mad!......why beg driver?!......

The bikeman told the driver that he is stupid and chased the bus conductor who was seen hanging by the door of a molue....it was just too funny. Meanwhile bus driver refused to start the bus.

There was this gentle looking guy dressed in a black suit - (still wondering why he was still wearing a suit at that time of the day) - in the bus who hardly said a word until the driver said he was not going anywhere. Passengers started yelling...screaming...a baby began to wail...

Black suit began to speak grammar: you are insane...your medula oblongata has been tampered with!....

Driver replied with: oroshi...wu u be...what is wrong with my driving?

I really wished i had a camera (although, i'll get beaten if i started taken shots)

Blacksuit promised to beat up the driver. Driver said black suit is a bastard!

I turned to black suit and said: we all know you are not a bastard but for the sake of posterity will you stop replying this man?

Blacksuit began to sweat...heavily....it began to trickle down his face....i kept wondering what it felt to be called a bastard in public by a mere bus driver who is a complete illiterate and too drunk for his own good.

A passenger told the driver sorry, start the damn bus and get going...
I said: Lets call a madman the groom so he will allow us move on. All the passengers supported that. Driver gave me a dirty look and i smiled brightly at him.

Vehicles behind the bus were honking angrily...the bus had added to the hold up.

My normal self was greatly amused and thinking of how to relate this on blogsville.

Halleluyah! the journey continued.

Blacksuit was by now promising to give the driver the best beating he's ever gotten.

I was nearing my stop. I wish i could get to the last bus stop so as to know what will happen when all of a sudden the driver brought out a torch and looked at his dashboard. I laughed...aloud. Even blacksuit couldnt help but to join in the laughter. It was just too funny.

Then the driver said: "mi o fe jade leni tele o" "awon were lo wa ninu moto yi" (didnt want to work today. too many madmen in this bus).

Alas! i had to alight.

I didnt regret boarding the bus. I had pure fun.
It all happened on my way home last night.

Wait! conductor! My change!

Questions: my sincere answers!

I took this interview on a website and i thought i could share it with you guys on blogsville....its a way of getting to know more about who simplynuttie is....enjoy


What is your favorite song of all time?
Cater to you - Destiny's child

If you could be someone else for a day, who would it be?
Myself

If you have friends coming for supper what would you cook?
vegetable soup with lots of meat and roast fish

What is your favourite word?
nutts

What makes you cry?
a lot...

What makes you laugh?
everything

If you were an animal in the wild, what would you be?
Horse

If you won the lottery, how would you spend your millions?
invest 70% then have pure unadultrated fun with the rest.

If you could time travel to the past to correct any mistakes you feel youve made would you?
no, its a waste of time...might even make another mistake

Do you believe that the cup is half empty or half full?
half full

Who was your hero as a child?
my big brother

What do you do for fun?
everything is fun

Are you an outdoor or an indoor person
both

If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
get married n travel d world

What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
Crazy, Wierd, Pretty

Where do you see yourself in five years?
Happily married with 2 kids

What are you most proud of in your life?
everything sexy and everyone nice that i have ever come across...including myself

How tall are you?
5"3
Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
no pets!!!

Who do you admire most?
An old friend

Do you have any tattoos, and if so what and where?
not yet

When do you plan on getting married?
in the next 12months

Get the number or give the number?
give the number

Romance or Kinky Sex?
Both

How do you feel?
curious

What size shoe do you wear?
37/38

Water or 100% Juice?
Water

Would you rather be hot or cold?
some parts Hot....some coooold!...wait a minute, what kind of hot or cold?

Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?
neither!

Favorite Place to Eat?
Anywhere clean and serene

Opera, Musical, Concert, Play, Performance, or Other?
Musical

What is your favorite clothing brand?
A whole lot of them but i really get the kick out of any brand that is sexy, comfortable and affordable.

Most Memorable Past?
had several memorable past but the big one isnt here yet...will keep you posted!

Most embarrassing moment?
too embarrassing for this page!

If you had to pick one car, which would it be?
BMW X3

Why did the chicken cross the road?
there's food and partner on the other side

Where is Waldo?
I dont know

What was your last thought?
Crazy interview

Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, or other?
Internet Explorer

Who are you going to vote for in 2008?
My country will vote in 2011

Juice and crackers or milk and cookies?
Juice and crackers

Favorite fruit?
Banana

Which is worse? A bad laugh or a bad cough?
Bad cough

Are you a cat or a dog person?
none!

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Life without sight or sound? Not me!

Define yourself in 3 words...
Romantic, Adventurous, Nuttie

Do you eat cold cereal at night?
if there is no option

What is your favorite TV show?
Trading Spouses

Kill the spider or let it out?
let it out

Do you shower every single day?
yea

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?
both

Boat or bus?
bus

What is your favorate Pj Fabric
silk and skin

Where do you want to travel next?
Ghana

What would you do if Michael Jackson asked you out
punch his nose

What is your favorite food?
anything delicious

Do you read harry potter books?
no

What is your favorite place?
My bed

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?
To be able to read minds....that would be a blast...will laugh all day long!

Have you had a beer in the last week?
yea

Favorite body part?
my bum, lips, legs, eyes, nose....every part!

Flip flops or sandals?
both

What do you do on fridays?
you'll find out when you roll with me

How tall are you?
5"3

Do you like bananas?
yea...and the real ones too!

Weight gain: Good or Bad?

My female siblings are actually big. I am (ooh...was) actually the only female that looks like a stick...what we term in nigeria as 'ilepa shandi'. It was so terrible then because i couldnt even wear my sisters clothes.

I always prayed to God to make me fat overnight. My prayers just got answered but despite my inner peace at my build, people around are like "you are no longer beautiful" "you need to watch it, girl" "You dont look sexy anymore" these comments and more keeps coming my way daily and am like "am i really going out of proportion or is it just the craze for thin reed babes?

Anyways, i am not going to allow these comments to stop me from feeling great about myself.

Last time i shopped i was shocked at the size that really accomodated my big backside. But to be very sincere, i am happy. Very happy. If you have to put into consideration my thin frame, maybe you will understand my joy with the fact that i have added weight.

The problem now is...the clothes i bought the last time no longer fit! I spend up to 2 minutes putting on my trousers and my shirts no longer buttons. The zipper on my skirt doesnt zip anymore. Not until then did the question begin to go round in my head...am i getting fat?!

See, i used to be a size 8.

I have been to the gym just to reduce a little fat and guess what, i ran away after some months. The instructor at the gym is really baffled! I have no reason whatsoever for not going anymore. I just stopped going. My friends are like "is she crazy or something"

The question i have been asking myself of late is "are you really happy with your physique or simply playing with fire?"

Now, i wear size 12.

Love

Despite its intricacies, i simply love love!
Its a wonderful feeling, i must confess.

Money

Money can buy pleasure... but not love;

Money can buy a show... but not joy;

Money can buy a slave... but not a friend;

Money can buy a woman... but not a wife;

Money can buy a house... but not a home;

Money can buy food... but not an appetite;

Money can buy medicines... but not health;

Money can buy diplomas... but not culture;

Money can buy books... but not intelligence;

Money can buy tranquillizers. but not peace;

Money can buy indulgences... but not forgiveness;

Money can buy the earth... but not the sky.

What are you PAYING for?

CORNY PICK UP LINES AND QUICK RESPONSES.

HE: Can I buy you a drink?
SHE: Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must've been given your share.

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why? Don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go see a movie?
SHE: I've already seen it.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?
SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE: Do not enter.

HE: Your body is like a temple.
SHE: Sorry, there are no services today .

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Where I'll be the rest of your life - in your wildest dreams .

Too Many Questions!

Thoughts on my thoughts

I dont know what i am feeling...
I only know i feel ecstatic.

I dont know why i smile brightly...
I only know i feel relief afterwards.

I dont know why i hurt...
I only know it makes me think.

I dont know why i am at work...
I only know it brings money monthly.

I dont know what is in my heart...
I only know i love unconditionally.

I dont know what my thoughts are...
I only know they are so many.

I dont know who to invite...
I only know there will be a party.

I dont know what delicacies to offer my guests...
I only know there will be lots to eat and drink.

I dont know how to spend this coming saturday...
I only know i'll be a year older on that day.

Thoughts about me

By nature, i am full of life...
happy to be alive and in the midst of crazy people like me.

By nature, i am inquisitive...
no rest till i am ok with my findings.

By nature, i am fun loving...
jokes, adventures, parties, discussions.

By nature, i am childlike...
like a ten year old.

By nature, i am attractive...
fashionable, catchy smile.

By nature, I am sexy...
oops! did i type that?

By nature, i am simplynuttie.