Ok, this is it.
I am thinking about the hairstyle i want to wear for christmas and new year.
Wierd, abi?
I keep seeing myself this christmas with an old school look. You know, the big afro hairstyle that reminds me of my mum - i have this passport (the only picture i have of her) where she had on an afro... i keep seeing myself wearing that style everytime i think of the forthcoming celebrations.
Of late, i have been thinking about her and its not even her memorial or anything....i just remember her and associate her to instances. To think i was so young when she died, i am baffled at the rate my thoughts dwell on her. I compare my friend's mothers to her everytime, i dont know if i am making sense, its just the way i feel.
Truth is, i am feeling miserable.
I feel so out of place, nowadays.
I keep thinking if she wasnt gone, i'll be a better person.
I guess i am just wishing she isnt out of my life.
I have so many things i want to ask her.
So many things i want to tell her.
So many things i want to take from her.
So many things i want to give her.
But she's no more.
Gone.
Out of this world.
She's where i can never connect to her.
I wish we could go to the market and shop together.
I wish i could tell her about blogsville and my naughty thoughts.
I wish i could post her picture here.
I just wish she's here.
Since i cant think of anything else, i am going to spend this season looking like her. I will sing her favourite songs, say quotes from her and make anecdotes. She's been gone for 13 years and 6 months and its still like yesterday...i can still remember the last time i saw her...what we talked about, word for word.
I hope during this yuletide, i can finally put her to rest in my mind.
I pray that i finally accept that she's gone and can only wish for me to live a fulfilling life.
I wish to be able to come back next year without pain in my heart.
I hurt, so terribly.
Changing Faces
14 comments:
Hey babes!
What's my prize for coming first??
Awwww.wish I could say something that would make you feel better love but am sure she looks down on you and marvels at what a smart lovely lady you've become...
Chineke, how did Princesa's post come in first...na lie oh, i no gree.
Na this word verification cause am,need my glasses now!!!
Sorry about ur mum.
Am sure she is up there some where watching over you.
Here's a hug.
Maybe you should do the old school hairstyle.lol!
@afrobabe,lol!
We blogstalking at the same time.
Na me win o!
@afrobabe...and we dropped similar comments. This babe are you impersonating me???lol!
These are the tears of wisdom.
At the least, you have learned the pain of losing a loved one.
Now, when others are feeling the same sorrow,
You have the capacity to help, and understand their pain.
May the lord console/comfort you
Hi there, i lost my mother very young as well so i kind of understand your hurt. I've also had moments where i really wish she was around, because a mother's perspective on things that concern her own child i've always wondered about. I've also thought about what kind of relationship we would have had-the funky mother-duaghter relationship abi the strict mother. From myself and others, i've learned that the older you get, the more you want her around. Like while you were younger, it probably didn't bother you as much. Not to appear crazy, but i've had conversations with my mother in my heard, and somehow i always think the responses i make up for her is really what she is saying. You can try creating scenerios and thinking up her replies. It will also put a smile on your face.
In the main time, abeg, rock the afro!!
it is well. i know the feeling of loosing a loved one an d how it hurts douring celebrations like this. but its aight cos she si loking down, smiling at u,
take care of you.
don't ever get over her just remember the good times and learn from the not so good ones
and realize that she wouldn't want you to sulk like that
she would want you to be happy
I agree w/ James. Your mom would definitely want for you the same as your feelings define what you want for her - to be happy. I don't think she would want for her death to disrupt your spirit.
@ princesa: i'll take you to a joint where the best gizzard is being prepared...its hot and spicey...game?
@ Afrobabe: so you think am smart eh?
@ princesa & Afrobabe: so una don become blogstalkers...u gals are jinxed!
@ Olamild: the pain is so painful. Amen to your prayer.
@ s.chic: i'll try your suggestion...hope i just dont hurt myself in the end.
@ curvyice: Thanks....tanck yo!
@ James Tubman: will remember that.
@ Don: i just hope she's ok where ever she is.
try and be strong,its really hard to let go of memories and all the questions that never have any answers, i too have lost a parent and i know how it seems with all the what ifs and uncertainties..I'm sure your mom is in heaven smiling down on who you've become,be positive,she is very much alive in your heart.
Oh sweetie, honoring her by looking like her would be good for you. I am sure she will appreciate it.
Sorry you are feeling blue. Remember that God has blessed us all so simply keep the faith. Take care, okay!
Post a Comment